You have seen it in the corner of countless invitations: RSVP. It is one of those abbreviations everyone recognises and few people stop to think about, until it is your wedding and half the guest list has not answered.
This guide explains what it means, how to word it, what to ask apart from "yes or no", and how to chase people without turning into the person nobody wants to hear from.
What RSVP means
RSVP comes from the French répondez s'il vous plaît, which simply means "please reply". It asks the guest to tell the host whether they will come. It is not a decoration and it is not optional politeness: the host needs the answer to book the venue size, the food and the seating.
In English-language invitations you will see several versions of the same request:
- "RSVP by 20 April"
- "Kindly reply by 20 April"
- "Please let us know by 20 April"
- "Regrets only", which means reply only if you cannot come. It works for casual parties, but for a wedding with a fixed meal it leaves you guessing, so we would avoid it.
The date matters more than the phrase. An RSVP with no deadline is a suggestion.
What to ask besides yes or no
A reply of "yes" is only the start. Think of the questions that would otherwise take you ten separate chats to find out:
- Who is coming. Names of everyone in the party, not just a number, so place cards and meals match real people.
- Plus-ones and children. Say clearly on the invitation who is invited. If the invitation is addressed to named people, guests understand it is for them.
- Dietary needs and allergies. Ask per person, not per household. One person's coeliac disease is not the family's.
- Transport. Do they need a seat on the coach, or are they driving? A simple choice is enough.
- A song. Optional and fun, and it gives people a reason to fill in the form properly.
- One custom question. Something particular to your day, such as "Are you staying the night at the farmhouse?"
Cabriola lets the host design this form: attendance, party size, diets and allergies for each guest, a song request and any custom question. Answers collect in a table you can filter and export. You can see how it looks in the Irene and Biel demo.
How to word the ask
Aim for clear and warm, in that order. A few patterns that work:
Kindly reply by 20 April using the form below.
Please tell us by 20 April if you can come, and who is coming with you.
We need final numbers by 20 April, so please reply by then, even if the answer is no.
That last sentence is worth copying. People who cannot come often do not reply because they feel awkward. Telling them a "no" is useful removes the guilt.
Put the reply method in the same place as the date. If the answer is a form, say "using the form below". If the invitation is on a phone, a single button is better than a paragraph.
Setting the deadline
Work backwards. Find out when the venue or caterer needs final numbers, subtract a week or two for chasing, and that is your reply date. Guests will treat the date as a target and a few will miss it, so the buffer is your insurance.
Two small rules help:
- Give people enough time to check diaries and book travel, which for most weddings means several weeks, and longer for guests from abroad.
- Close the form on the deadline if you can. A closing date and a limit of places also make the answer feel real, and you stop hearing "oh, is it too late?"
If you need to allow late changes, say so, for example "You can update your answer until 20 April".
Chasing non-responders, politely
Some people will not reply. It is almost never because they do not care; it is usually because the message got lost or they meant to do it later.
- Wait a few days past the deadline before the first nudge. People often answer in the last minute.
- Send a private message, not a group one. Group reminders embarrass the people who already replied and the ones who did not.
- Make it easy. Include the link again, so they do not have to scroll back.
- Give a reason. "We are finalising numbers with the caterer" is better than "you have not replied".
- Call, if necessary. For close family, a phone call is sometimes the only way. Ask the form's questions yourself and enter the answers for them.
A sample reminder: "Hi Pere, quick nudge about the wedding reply. We are giving final numbers to the caterer this week. Here is the link again, it takes a minute. If you cannot come, that is fine, we would just like to know." For more message ideas, see our guide to WhatsApp wedding invitation wording.
Privacy basics
A reply form collects personal details, and dietary needs can be sensitive. A few habits keep you on the safe side:
- Ask only what you need. If you will not use a phone number, do not ask for it.
- Say why you ask. "We use this to plan the menu and seating" is enough.
- Know who sees the answers. At the least you, your partner and perhaps a planner. Do not forward the full table to guests or post it in a group chat.
- Choose a tool that does not pass guest data on. In Cabriola, guest data does not go to third parties.
- Delete when you are done. After the wedding, export what you need and clear the rest.
Ready to ask for replies
If you want to try it, create a wedding invitation and design the reply form that suits your day. The free plan covers up to 25 guests, with a small badge on the invitation; paid options are on the pricing page. Start with the deadline and the three questions you cannot do without. You can always add a fourth later.